Accessible Idea For The Ages
by Malkmusian
Summary: Aelita and the gang in the summer of 2009, like Dazed and Confused and American Graffiti, but not with Ron Howard or Matthew McConahey.
1. A Bum Foot

Accessible Idea Of The Ages (sequel)

By That Guy In Everclear

"Well, I'm Waldo Schaeffer and this is Jim Morales, your old handyman at your old school, Mr. Della Robbia. I've been-a watching you. Ain't that cool? I wanna be your…" the agent said to Odd, who's freaking out at the site of Jim, who's supposed to be in heaven, and at the Rodney Atkins reference.

Odd replied, "So you're the guy who tried to kill Franz Hopper? Why?"

He replied, "I wanted to have the project, damn it! I wanted to have the damn project! I wanted to take over the world, but I can't, thanks to Mr. Whiner in D.C."

Odd replied, "Barack Obama?"

Waldo snapped back and yelled to him, "HELL NO, HE AIN'T!! HE'S GEORGE BUSH!! I SHOT HIM IN THE EYES!!! YES!! YES!!"

Odd, who's freaking out at Waldo, does the Vulcan Grab on the agent and he fell over in a seizure.

Odd walked away, saying to Waldo's thrashing body, "Well, Waldo. Nice seeing you."

He then walked over to Lani, who's enjoying herself at the bar, drinking several screwdrivers.

He said to Aelita's mom, "Hey, Mrs. Hopper. How's the afterlife treating you?"

Lani replied, "I don't remember. All I remember is seeing a light when the final chord of 'P-9' came on and then I woke up in this laboratory with my husband's friend, Waldo, removing some tubes from me. It was like I had spent 2 seconds in a Hot 'n' Now and I woke up there."

Odd said to Lani, "I'll be back" and got up from the barstool.

He ran upstairs to Aelita's room and tried to open the door in haste.

"Damn," he replied, "It's locked."

Inside the room, Aelita had a good reason why it was locked. She turned to her YouTube page and saw all of these people, these twisted and sick people, wanting to see her socked and bare soles.

One of them was a little user named "Cornholio", who said in his post, "Please do what the people are telling you to do! I want TP for my bunghole!"

Aelita replied to him, "Sure, Beavis. Are you…you know…?"

He replied quickly in a post, "No. I want you to do that then pull your hoodie up to act like Cornholio, who has no bunghole! Bungholio…"

She then turned on her webcam and said, "Stupid requests. Here's one."

She put her socked soles to the camera and the people watching it are saying, "Wow. I thought we had requested sock puppets, but this is better."

Odd, outside her door, is slamming himself against the door and yelled, "Aelita, you'd better open it up!"

Aelita replied, "I can't! I have to do requests on YouTube!"

He replied, "Those bad ones?"

She replied, "Yeah! Don't go in!"

Odd then broke the door open on the 30th self-slam and saw Aelita about to slide the end of her sock off. He ran and tackled her.

He then ripped out the webcam and yelled to her in fury, "Don't ever follow those requests! They might want you to become Miss Sock-A-Lot or something like that! I need to tell you something!"

She replied, "Yeah. Some person dressed up as my mom came to the party."

He replied, "Aelita, you don't understand! She is your mom!"

Aelita puts back on her sock and stood up, standing like a rock with her mouth wide open.

She said, "Odd, what in the hell do you mean?"

He took her downstairs and showed her to Lani.

She said, "Hey, Aelita! How was the last 18 years on Earth…I meant 8 years?"

Aelita replied, "It is you, Mom! I thought you were a charlatan!"

Lani said, "Would I be fake if I did this?" and walks to Kristian Hopes' drum kit.

She grabbed some Vic Firth sticks and starts drumming of what could be the hardest drum line in the history of drum lines: "Weber" by the Butthole Surfers, all parts.

Aelita's jaw hung slack and said to her mom, "What time is it?"

She replied, "I don't know."

Aelita grabbed out a remote with a red button on it and said in an enthusiastic manner, "It's time to unpimp your auto!"

She pressed the button and nothing happens in the vicinity.

Meanwhile, at Georgia Southern University, student John Strawbridge is driving his new car, a 1991 Pontiac GTO, around the town with Jesus Cordero when, suddenly, the car exploded, killing both of them.

One college man, Richard Schulz, ran to the scene of the crime and yelled to the world, "NO!!! NO!!!!"

He ripped off his clothes, leaving himself in only a bare butt (highly censored), and Dr. Takemoff (a doctor who rips off his clothes every time he has a patient) joined him in mourning.

Lani checks her watch and said to Aelita, "It's 6:50 pm. We can go to Angus Young's Roadhouse…Australian Style!"

All of the people agreed, with Jamieson saying, "It'd better be good."

They loaded up into five Peugeot 201s and they drove off to the Angus Young's Roadhouse…Australian Style.

When they got there, they parked in the parking spaces and went inside. It was packed, but because Waldo had made reservations 2 hours earlier, they got to a table and saw their menus ready to order. The members of Grinspoon start reading theirs and Phil slammed down his menu in anger.

He said, "This menu insulted us!! Look at the appetizers!"

Aelita opened her menu and scanned at the appetizers menu, which included Eric Cartman's and Stan Marsh's Turkey Bits, the Blooming Onion (not Bloomin'), Rudd's Buffalo Wings, and the menu item that insulted Phil: **The New Detention-Is-So-Damn-Stupid-And-They-Are-Wankers-And-Yobs-And-Phil-Loves-A-Feel-Good-Hit-Of-The-Summer Cheese And Nacho Fries.**

Phil said to the gang, "I don't like this at all! First of all, AC/DC called our album stupid; second, they called us yobs and wankers! That's TISM's idea! Finally, they call me a user of nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, marijuana, Ecstasy, and alcohol! That's not right! They should respect bands like us!"

Aelita replied to him, "Jamieson, it's just a tease…don't forget c-c-c-c-c-cocaine!!"

At the table across from them, Angus Young drew a picture of Grinspoon getting mauled by teenagers.

After the chaotic dinner, they drove back to the Hermitage and they start partying more. Aelita and the gang went into her room and make themselves comfortable by any means necessary. Aelita took off her shoes and socks and slips into her pink flip-flops.

She said, "Now, gang. We'll be splitting, but then we have blogs and stuff like that. Jeremy, you're part of that 'LocoFreak' forum with Mewberries and Rhys Davies. What a hottie. You're an admin, so you can make us a thread in BKO and we can try to update if XANA is still alive. I don't trust his many losses to be circumstantial evidence. Yumi, you have that PureVolume site…oh, wait. That's me. I have the PureVolume sites for both my mom's old band and the Pop-Rock Progressives. We can use my mom's old band to talk about the updates. Even though the Americans know our secret, but if they tell, the RTTP feature is going to start, even though it's broken. The rest of the world mustn't find out about the secret."

Ulrich raised his hand.

Aelita said to him, "Yes, Lars?"

He replied, "Aelita, that's it! I had it with the name-calling, Dimebag Darrell of Pantera! I love your glam metal crap better than 'Cowboys of Hell'! Oh, sorry. Doesn't Kadics know the secret?"

Aelita replied, "No, except for Sissi and Nicholas."

William said to Aelita, "But what if the school blocks those sites?"

She replied, "We're screwed for life."

William added, "And why'd you put on you flip-flops? It was useless!"

Aelita then said in doubt, "It was…"

After that meeting, Aelita stayed in the room and relaxes her legs on the bed. She turned off the light and she started to flex her toes. She fell asleep and later woke up at 8 in the morning. She put her socks and Pumas on, put on her classic outfit from Season 2 (for nostalgia fans), and ran to Yumi's house, where Grinspoon was spending the night, causing another argument to happen between Hideo and Mrs. Ishiyama and Yumi to cry more. She ran upstairs and saw Yumi lying on floor, restless from the night before and drunk as Santa Claus played backwards.

She slurred to Aelita, "How's it going, Subdigitals? Where's your golden sleigh to pull me in a conduit?"

Aelita replied, "Yumi, are you drunk?"

She replied, "Don't talk to me, Hedy LaMarr. I have a very big hangover" and waddles to a pan.

She starts throwing up in it.

Aelita started to tear up and said, "Yumi, why are you drinking…" and saw the beer Yumi was drinking: O'Doul's.

She continued, "…O'Doul's? What the hell?"

Yumi got out her alcoholic buzz and said to Aelita, "Sorry. I drank a lot of sake yesterday and some Shirley Temple Blacks…and a Scott Weiland on the rocks…and a Subdigitals On a Golden Sleigh with extra Smirnoff…and a Russian Reversal…and an Oscar Wilde's Revenge…and some Montezuma's Revenge."

Aelita stood still for a moment and said to Yumi, "You drank an alcoholic Shirley Temple, rice wine, Absolut with arsenic and pages of a forum, Sunkist, chicken, and Smirnoff, Smirnoff and Budweiser, Bass Pale Ale and chocolate-covered Lucky Strikes, and diarrhea from Mexican water?"

Yumi replied, "Yeah, pretty much…I drank diarrhea last night? It looked like Kahula and Bailey's!"

Aelita replied, "That was mine. Some person took my crap out of the toilet and mixed it with some liquor they got from a grocery store."

Yumi got mad and said, "Flush before you leave the bathroom next time!"

She threw Aelita out of a window and makes her land on Grinspoon, who are leaving the house. Both land to the ground with a loud bang.

Aelita said, "My pelvis! It broke!"

Aelita got up and limped back to the Hermitage.

Over at the house, Franz is at his computer, working on his new project, the Carthage II, which is supposed to revolutionize the home computer market by tenfold, maybe even twenty fold by adding the fastest modem in the computer, codenamed: "DLNBRTT".

He turns around to see his daughter and said, "Hey, Aelita. Who broke your pelvis this time?"

Aelita replied, "Yumi. She got drunk on alcohol and crap. I'm serious. She drank crap."

Franz grabbed a bucket and starts throwing up in it.

He then said, "Aelita, she drank diarrhea. Damn, she's that drunk?"

Aelita replied, "Yes. I'd have to say she is. Well, Dad, after talking with the guys who made the Gofbot, what was its purpose?"

Franz replied, "They wanted to advertise for McDonald's by making a useless site that was to be bigger than a Big Mac. Didn't work, darn it. So, it's just a useless commercial."

Aelita limped back, upstairs, to her room, where Graham was, looking for his keys to the car.

She lied back in bed and said to him, "Graham, Yumi broke my pelvis by pushing me out of a window and making me land on Australians."

He replied, "Aelita, maybe you should go to sleep…or go to the doctor. He'll find out…because I don't think that you can walk with a limp while you broke your pelvis. It's undeniably a broken leg."

He picked up his little sister and took her to the car. He cranked it up and soon, Odd Della Robbia, complete with purple hoodie, pink overshirt, blue jeans, and his gold-colored shoes, soon walks in the car with Ulrich Stern, in his Season 4 outfit (long sleeved shirt under short sleeved unbuttoned shirt, tight blue jeans, and his white sneakers).

They said to Graham, "Now, what's wrong with her?"

He replied, "She broke her 'pelvis', but I think it's her leg."

He drove off and Odd said, "When Aelita breaks something, she breaks it in the exact spot. I remember Yumi, who was crying miserably over the phone just because she was so drunk, saying that Aelita fell on her leg, going near her buttocks, so we have a 50/50 chance."

Graham replied, "What 50/50 chance?"

Ulrich replied, "The chance she's right or the chance that you're right…or she could've broke her foot. Yumi was still wasted when she saw Aelita land. From a drunk's perspective, she saw it at the wrong angle, so she landed on her limping foot because if she broke her leg and her pelvis, she couldn't walk at all."

Soon, they reached the hospital and took Aelita through the emergency room. The doctors got her and they soon examined her, finding out that Ulrich Stern was right: she had a bum foot. They put a cast on it and she got some crutches. She went back to her friends after Graham had paid the bill and they went back to the car.

She said to Ulrich, "You were right. I had a bum foot."

Ulrich said to Odd, "IN YOUR FACE!! NOW PAY ME MY $100!"

Odd handed Ulrich a $100 dollar bill. The German grabbed it and it shocked his hand, making him not feel it.

"ODD!!" Ulrich yelled, "What did you do?"

Odd replied, "Oh, sorry. He's the real $100" and handed Ulrich a real $100 bill.

Ulrich grabbed it. Nothing happens.

He put it in his billfold and said to Odd, "Why'd you get the haircut?"

Odd replied, "Shall I have to tell you?"

(Flashback)

Odd was in the beginning stages of 11th grade and he saw his parents at the front gate. His blonde-haired dad was buff and wore a black t-shirt, blue jeans, and boots. His mom had brown hair and wore a pink hat, a pink scarf, a pink dress, and pink boots.

His dad held up a report card and yelled, "ODD DELLA ROBBIA!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, ALL YOUR GOOD GRADES?"

Odd fell onto the ground and said, "I thought you'd never know about me improving my grades!"

His mother replied, "That means we get to take you to that barbershop where Stephen Malkmus was royalty and cut your hair!"

Odd yelled, "NO!!!" and his parents grabbed him.

They try to drag him and he tries to grab onto the ground, but it doesn't work. They walk to town and see the barbershop used in the "Cut Your Hair" video. They walk inside to find all 5 members of Pavement waiting for a haircut.

The barber said to Odd, "Walk to me, Odd. Let's shave off that non-commercial hair."

Stephen Malkmus and Scott Kannberg dragged Odd to the chair and they chain him in.

His parents watched in horror.

The barber grabbed out the scissors and said to Odd, "Now let's make you look cute in front of the ladies, shall we?"

Odd yelled, "NO!!!!" and feels his hair coming off as the barber shaves it.

Stephen and Scott watched, entertained, while eating popcorn and Boiling Lava Hot Pockets (which destroy your mouth, causing you to taste rubber for a month) and said to Odd, "Go the distance!"

Soon, Odd is freed and looked at himself in the mirror after having his eyes closed. He then saw that he had a bit of a spiky hairdo, but shorter and not in his way of having it spiked.

He said, "You just ruined my image!"

The barber said, "No. I just made you cute. You were ugly the old way."

Odd walked back to the school (after his parents pay for the cut) sulking until he then saw Emily, one of the ladies that didn't like him at school, saying to Odd, "You look so cute. How'd you change? Haircut, I guess. I wanna go on a date with you."

He replied, "So the haircut does make me cute! Yeah!"

(End Flashback)

After Graham had watched the flashback, he said to Odd, "Well, now I know why you have short hair now. Well, let's take Aelita home and let her recuperate, but tomorrow, we're heading over to my house and go to Disney-MGM Studios. She may have to stay here if she doesn't feel well, but we can get her in a wheelchair and make her look…retarded." Aelita replied, "I can walk on crutches. I want to go to Disney-MGM with y'all. I don't want to stay with my dad. He might whip me for touching his vinyls again." Graham replied, "Those were his floppies, Aelita. Don't you get it? I told you that 3 or 4 years ago. Do you get it?" She replied, "Okay."

Soon, after going through town, they drive back up the driveway to the Hermitage and Aelita grabs her crutches. She walks with them back to her room while Ulrich follows her with her shoe and sock. Franz looks at this and said to Graham, "What happened to Aelita? Come on, pour yourself a glass of 1,000-year-old wine." Graham pours himself some of the very old Merlot into a wine glass and sits down on the couch. He said, "Well, you know Aelita's friend, Yumi?" Franz replied, "Yeah. Why?" Graham continues, "Yumi has a bit of an alcohol problem and she was so freakin' wasted that she pushed Aelita out of the window, causing her to land on Grinspoon and break her foot. Well, I talked with Yumi and Jamieson and they're coming to Orlando with me. You want to come? We need 2 groups and 2 leaders." Franz replied, "I'll come. Is Aelita staying?" He replied, "No. She wants to come. Come on! She's going to like Fantasmic and the Rock and Roller Coaster!"

Meanwhile, in Aelita's room, Ulrich plugs back in the webcam Odd tore the plug out to save Aelita and the pervs out there last night. He lays the shoe and sock on the floor and said to Aelita, "I'm going to Orlando with your brother. Are you coming?" She replied, "For the last time, yes, I'm going. In fact, I think everybody's coming. You know, everybody that was invited, including Sissi, William, and Dan?" Ulrich replied, "I though Dan was gone forever!" She then said to him in a creepy type of manner, "He isn't. He got out of the grave thanks to Waldo Schaeffer. Well, it'd be nice if somebody took off my other shoe and sock. I feel like I'm going to sleep after reading these liner notes about a 102-year-old guitar player named Leo…" Ulrich replied, "Kottke?" and unlaces Aelita's shoe. Aelita replied, "Yeah, it's him. I've played this album before. It's pretty good. I also enjoy the cover. It's just that I sometimes fear an armadillo rampage led by puppets and virtuoso American Primitism guitarists on Takoma Records." Ulrich replied, "You like that album? I mean, that's what I only listened to when I was young! I loved the Armadillo album a lot! I mean, 'Vaseline' was freakin' righteous to the bone, but then he came back with beautiful covers of 'Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring'! Gosh, I just played that all of the time at my house and that's what made me pretty good as a rhythm guitarist…and why my dad has a grudge against folk music" and pulls off Aelita's shoe.

Aelita said to Ulrich, "Well, William got me this from a record store because he knew that I loved guitar music. I think it's new. The vinyl doesn't look scratched." Ulrich pulls off Aelita's sock and sets the footwear on the floor. He sits on the bed and said, "Does it say, 'Distributed by Concord Music Group'?" Aelita pulls out the record and said to Ulrich, "No. It said 'Distributed by Chrysalis Records'." He replied, "That's a 1971 pressing you have. Do you want the record put on?" She replied, " I guess so." Ulrich grabs the vinyl and places it on the record player. He puts the needle on and it starts playing the song "The Driving of the Year Nail". He said, "I'm going back downstairs to enjoy some wine and talk to Graham about crap." Aelita replied, "Thanks for helping me." Ulrich walks out and William walks inside the room. He said, "Hey, Aelita. What caused you to break your foot?" She replied, "Yumi pushed me out of a window. Why?" He replied, "Well, I'm going to talk with you for a while and compliment you on playing that record I got you. I knew you'd like it! I think it was new." Aelita replied, "Well, Ulrich, who is a big fan of that record, knows that it's not new. It's from 1971." William sits next to Aelita and said to her, "Well, are you going with Graham to…" She replied, "Yes. Are you?" He replied, "Yes, and so is Dan and Waldo and your mom. I mean, your mom's hot! I can see why your dad married her." Aelita replied, "Okay." William kisses Aelita and then said to her, "I'm heading downstairs to talk with Graham and drink ancient Merlot. See you!" She replied, "See you soon!" William walks out and Aelita grabs out a saw from a toolbox. She cuts into the cast and starts to cut it off, feeling intense pain yet keeping silent about it.

Meanwhile, while downstairs, the boys, drunk off of the 1,000-year-old Merlot, start talking about Aelita. Graham said to Franz, "Well, ah um, I'm…uh…thinking that Aelita looks that a-very, a-very cute…I see bunnies!!" and falls down. Odd, Ulrich, and Franz do the same. William waits for the right time and soon falls down, experiencing an acid trip, because 1,000-year-old Merlot is actually LSD. The next day, Aelita wakes up from her slumber and finally feels the cool air on her broken foot, as she had successfully cut the cast off from it. She gets out of the bed and starts to walk a bit normally, but in pain. She grabs her shoes and socks and puts the footwear on. She grabs her suitcase (pre-packed by Ulrich as she was sleeping under the covers) and her iPod and walks out of the room with both of them, walking normally.

She heads downstairs and Graham looks at her broken foot. He said to her, "How'd you get the cast off? Do you know that you're going to be in extreme pain?" She replied, "I know that, but I can't really walk good in crutches and I don't like the combination of having one foot clothed and one foot bare. It doesn't feel right." He replied, "Well, come on. We're going to the airport to go to Orlando." Aelita walks outside and puts her suitcase in the car. Ulrich gets it and cranks it up. He said to Aelita, "Get in…how in the hell did you get your cast off?" She replied, "I cut it off with a hacksaw. Why? I don't like uneven combinations and I don't like crutches." She gets in the passenger seat, next to Ulrich, and said, "Well, are you taking anybody?" He replied, "I'm taking Odd, Jeremy, and Yumi to the airport, Graham's taking Franz, Lani, William, and Sissi, Jamieson's taking the band and Waldo's taking Dan and Nicholas. Well, we're off" and drives to the parking lot of the school, where Yumi, who's in her Season 4 outfit, Jeremy, who's in a red t-shirt, jeans, and his blue shoes, and Odd, who's in his Season 4 outfit, except with jeans on, are with their suitcases. They put the suitcases in and they get in the back. Jeremy said to Aelita, "Hey, Hopper. Cut off your cast?" She replied, "Yeah, Belpois." Odd replied, "Why do you two hate each other? I mean, you started it in April all because Aelita wanted to date other boys and got William."

Ulrich drives towards the airport and Aelita said to Odd, "Yeah. I believe Jeremy just hates me because I'm not officially a geek anymore and don't have to look like I'm off the cover of 'The Lexicon of Love' by ABC." Jeremy replied, "Isn't that what Canadians wear, Hopper?" Aelita replied, "No! I don't see Geddy Lee wearing clothes like he's from Miami Vice, damn it!!" Ulrich yells to them, "Shut up and let me drive towards the airport! Gosh! You and Jeremy have the useless feud ever!" Jeremy said to Aelita, "I just finally thought, I'm a jerk. I want to apologize to you. It's okay if you date William, but please, be friends with me again. You don't have to dress like that ABC album. Say, does Ulrich have it in his CD case?" Ulrich checks and finds "The Lexicon of Love". He puts the CD in and they soon listen to what could be New Wave music from Britain.

Soon, Ulrich arrives at the airport and drops off the gang with their suitcases. Aelita, after trying to talk over the music for 10 minutes, finally said to Jeremy, "I'm sorry, Jeremy. Apology accepted." Soon, the others come with their luggage and walk in the terminal. They get scanned for WMDs and are all clear, except for Franz, who had a gold filling in his mouth. They let him go. They get their luggage scanned and it was all clear, except for Franz, who had a box of replacement fillings for his teeth. Finally, the security guards say to him, "Why do you have fillings?" He replied, "You wanna see?" and rips out his filling to show a very bad-looking tooth. He puts it back in and said, "Don't call me Cat Stevens." The gang gets their tickets and boards the plane 10 minutes before they start checking it for takeoff. Aelita sits next to William, who is sitting next to his dad, as we all know as the famous trumpeter/record executive, Herb Alpert. She turns on her iPod, as the plane allows you to have electronics on while the plane is taking off and said to William, "Hey, William. Are you stoked about going to Disney World?" He replied, "Nope. Dad and I went there back in '72, before they had Disney-MGM or Epcot or Animal Kingdom."

Graham walks to Aelita and said, "Are you hurting?" She lies, "No" and he leaves. She slaps herself in the face for lying and said to William, "Well, are you stoked about going on an airplane?" He replied, "Not really. Dad and I flew around the world so he can perform his songs. Do you know that he's…?" She replied, "Yes, I know. He's a pretty awesome jazz trumpeter" and puts her broken foot onto the seat that she is sitting on. She takes off the shoe and sock and starts rubbing the pain out of it. William lays back on goes to sleep. He said to Herb, "Dad, wake me up when we get there." Herb replied, "Okay, son" and gets out his carry-on, his trumpet. He starts playing it with a mute to lullaby William into a slumber with the song, "El Garbanzo". Aelita, after rubbing her foot for about 2 minutes, puts the sock and shoe back on and puts it down. The stewardess said to her, "What do you want for lunch?" She replied, "I don't really know. All I feel like is a Boiling Lava Hot Pocket and a Dr Pepper." Soon, the stewardess sits down and the pilot said over the intercom, "This is your pilot, Captain Joey Spamatino, speaking. Don't confuse me with the NRBQ bassist of the same name or else! Well, I just want you to know that everybody should have his or her seatbelts buckled, including that Belpois teenager, and that we are to be taking off in about 1 minute, so buckle the seatbelts!!" Jeremy buckles his seatbelt, finally, and so does about every other passenger on the plane.

Soon, 1 minute passed and the plane started to move down the runway and off the ground, heading to Orlando. Aelita said to Graham, who's behind her, "Hey, brother. I just want you to know that I'm going to have a good time at Disney World." He replied, "Okay, sis. Why'd I see you rubbing your bum foot?" She replied, "Well, I wanted to ease the tension within me." Soon, the plane reach 22,000 ft. in the air and Aelita turns back on her iPod and plugs one earbud into William's left ear. She puts on the other earbud and switches the song to some Leo Kottke. She puts the iPod on the table on her lap and the stewardess said to Aelita, "I have your food." She hands Aelita a Boiling Lava Hot Pocket and a 24 oz. bottle of Dr Pepper. Aelita bites into the Hot Pocket and drinks her soda. The stewardess said to the sleeping William, "Sir, what do you want? Sir? Sir. Sir!!" She then slaps him and he wakes up, saying, "We're in Orlando! Wow! Oh, wait. It's just the stewardess. I want the fish…" She replied, "We don't serve fish anymore. Remember 'Airplane'?" He said, "Oh, wait. Do you have the steak?" She replied, "Yeah, and what do you want to drink?" William replied, "Crystal Pepsi." The stewardess walks away and brings back a steak and a can of 16-year-old Crystal Pepsi. He starts eating the steak and opens up the can. He drinks it and said, "…and it tastes good after all of these years!" Aelita said to him, "I want a sip!" He hands her the can and she sips it. She said to him, "It does taste good!" and hands him back the can. The stewardess said to Herb, "Do you want a wine?" He replied, "No. I want a tequila for Tijuana." She walks to the bar and gets some tequila from Tijuana in a wine glass. She hands him the drink and said, "Here's your Mexican tequila from Tijuana." He replied, "Thanks" and sips it, feeling the Tijuana Brass play in his mouth.

After pretty much being served, Aelita said to Graham, "I'm done, but my mouth feels like that it has been obliterated off of the map." He replied, "Is that true?" She replied, "Not really. I calmed it down with soda. That Hot Pocket was not as hot as Jim Gaffigan said it was." Graham replied, "Well, why'd you eat a Hot Pocket? I'm eating steak!" She replied, "I'm not in the mood." Meanwhile, after finishing his lunch, William puts up the plate and finishes the can of Crystal Pepsi. He removes the earbud and goes back to sleep. Aelita puts in the other earbud and switches the iPod song to Kenny Rogers' first hit, back from 1969: "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town". She removes her shoes and goes to sleep.

END OF CHAPTER 1


	2. Orlando

Accessible Idea For The Ages

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 2: At Orlando

After about 8 hours on the plane, the pilot said over the intercom, "We are about to land in Orlando in just 2 minutes. Please fasten your seat belts and have a nice ride." The passengers buckle their seat belts and get ready for the landing. Aelita turns off her iPod and wraps the earphone cord around it. She puts it in her pocket and pokes William on the shoulder. She says, "William, wake up. We're in Orlando." He wakes up and says to her, "We are or are we landing?" Aelita replies, "We're landing at the airport in about 1 and a half minutes." William buckles his seat belt and says to Aelita, "Did you put up your iPod?" She replies, "Yes."

In the row behind them, Graham and Ulrich buckle their seat belts and start up a conversation. Ulrich says to Aelita's brother, "Well, we're in Orlando, man." He replies, "Ulrich, not yet. It's about 1 minute before the landing." Suddenly, the plane edges down at a 45-degree angle and the landing gear is lowered to make way for the plane to go on the runway at Orlando International Airport. Aelita says to Ulrich, "Are you hyped about going to Disney World?" Ulrich replies, "Are we going immediately?" Graham replies, "Yes, we are. Due to the time zones changing, it's 3 pm here while it's 8 at night over in France. Do you feel any jet lag, gang?" Aelita replies, "No, not really." Ulrich replies, "Just a bit, but I slept it off." William replies to Graham's question, "No, not at all. I slept through the whole ride, except for lunch, but for some reason, I'm hungry now." Graham replies, "You're getting used to Eastern Time. Just starve yourself 2 more hours and we'll go to a restaurant, but not at Disney World."

Finally, the plane stops over at the International Gate and the pilot says, "Thanks for flying Air France and have a safe journey through Orlando." The passengers unbuckle themselves and get off the plane. The gang waits outside for Franz, Lani, Jeremy, Yumi, Sissi, and the band Grinspoon. Meanwhile, they see a bunch of smokers try to inhale all of that nicotine from their Marlboros before boarding a plane and then scream, as they are not deprived of nicotine for 8 hours. Finally, the others arrive and they head to the car rental area. Aelita, who is transporting Graham, Franz, Dan, and Lani, is first in line: she rents a 2000 Ford Crown Victoria for a week and buys insurance for it. "I saw 'Meet the Fockers'," Aelita thought, "and I don't want to pay damages on my car like Greg would."

Next in line is Odd, who has better driving skills and is transporting Yumi and Sissi: he rents a 1979 BMW 528i with CD/8-track/vinyl record player attached to it and buys insurance, as he had saw the same film that Aelita was thinking about. After him was Ulrich, who decided to share driving responsibilities with Jeremy, Herb, and William: they rent a 2007 Mercedes-Benz S-Class with insurance added to it. Finally, we come to Grinspoon and Waldo: they rent a 1991 Renault Espace and buy insurance. Finally, they get the keys and the cars and they drive towards Buena Vista Parkway.

In Aelita's car, she says to Graham, "Hey, should I contact the others?" He replies, "I'm okay with that, but why haven't you talked to Mom or Dan any today?" She replies, "I was too busy, that's why." Lani says to her daughter, "Aelita, I can't believe that you're 16 now…and on a French license." Dan also says, "Yeah, Aelita." Aelita yells back to Dan, "BUT WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU BETRAY ME FOUR YEARS AGO? WHY'D YOU WANT TO KILL ME?" He replies softly, "It was actually Peter. He wanted me to be his guinea pig, so he brainwashed me to betray you. I'm sorry if I caused harm." Aelita snapped back, "YOU'D BETTER BE SORRY BECAUSE YOU ALMOST MADE ME DIE!! NOW, SHUT YOUR F---ING MOUTH AND LET ME DRIVE!! GOSH!!" Dan is silent and starts to cry to himself. Graham looks at him and says, "I think Aelita's having a hard time forgiving you because you tried to hurt her one time when you got brainwashed." Dan replies, "Yeah. I know. I can give her more time, but she'll always be my friend, no matter what."

Soon, they reach the parking lot for Disney-MGM. They park in Grumpy, Row 7, right next to the park entrance. All of the gang got out, but then as the others moved towards the gate, Dan, Graham, and Aelita stayed. Graham yelled to his sister, "AELITA, WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU CURSE AT GRAHAM? THAT'S JUST A DAMN SILLY THING!! NOW, YOU'D BETTER TRY TO RECONCILE WITH DAN! HE DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM!!" Aelita starts crying and says to Graham, "Yes, Graham!" Dan hugs her and says, "Aelita, do you forgive me?" Aelita replies, "I just can't. I just can't. You tried to hurt me" and bawls in tears. Dan replies, "I mean, we can have fun…" Aelita then says, "I forgive you, Dan" and cries some more. Dan picks her up and cradles the crying 16-year-old. He walks over to the park gates and Franz looks at her, crying. He says, "Aelita, it's okay. Please hug me" and Aelita jumps out of Dan's arms. She hugs him and dries up her tears, but then, out of nowhere, he yells, "PINK!! FRESHMEAT!!" Suddenly, the seniors from the movie "Dazed and Confused" come to Aelita with their paddles and start whipping her on the butt.

After that, Franz says, "Don't cry, Aelita. You have to be a big girl now. You can't always be 14. You have a shitload of responsibilities now and that includes college. Now, come with your friends. You're on Graham's group." Aelita replies softly, "Okay." She walks over to the gang and they head inside the park. While there are walking, a costumed worker comes to Aelita and says, "Oh, don't you cry. Your friend, Mickey, is here to calm you down." Aelita says to him, "I don't like Mickey Mouse. I'm not really into Disney. I'm here for the Rock and Roller Coaster." The worker yells back, sarcastically, "WELL, WHY DON'T YOU HUG ME? I HAVE NO HOME, MY WIFE DIVORCED ME, AND MY CHILDREN WANT TO DESTROY ME!!" Odd kicks him in the balls and says, "You're scaring Aelita, Heroin Mouse!" Suddenly, the worker grabs out a shot full of opium and says to Odd, "Stick your arm out and you'll feel like me: worthless!" Odd grabs the shot and injects it in the worker's crotch. He feels intense pain and his head explodes, showering the front gate.

Suddenly, the police run to Odd and say, "Do you know whom he is?" Odd replies, "He tried to kill me with a speedball." One of the officers replies back, "He was a drug dealer. Thank God you killed him. Now, here's your reward: $20,000." The officer hands Odd a check for $20,000 and they walk towards the Kids Say The Darndest Things Exhibit, built next to the Rock and Roller Coaster Featuring Silverchair, as the deal with Aerosmith expired. Aelita looks at the sign and says, "Now Australians own that ride. They'd better play stuff from 'Frogstomp' and 'Neon Ballroom' or else!" Graham replies, "That shocked me, too. Now, they added about 50 more inversions to it, making its G-force a total of 19, one more than a typical Daniel Revo ride." Out of that building came people with broken necks and broken legs. Aelita says, "I'll just wait that out" and walks inside the other building.

Inside, there was an exhibit for "Leonard Part 6", "Ghost Dad", and "Kids Say The Darndest Things", including clips about rap music, the jazz music, kids, Kodak film, New Coke, Jell-O, and Pokémon. They walk past the exhibits and sit in an auditorium with a bunch of other people while Bill Cosby talks to a little boy about food. He says, "What do you like to eat?" The little boy replies, "McDonald's!" Bill then rants to him, "You see, you eat the McDonald's, which gets you fat and gives you the Mr. Pregnant brain damage and the Morgan Spurlock, he hates the McDonald's because he can!" Suddenly, Morgan walks on stage and makes the kid watch all of "Super Size Me". At the end, the kid picks up the microphone and sings, "I am, and I am Israel's son! Israel's son, I am! I am, and I am Israel's son! Israel's son, I am!" He then screams and Ben Gilles does the punchline drumbeat. The kid pees on the audience and Bill says, "Calm down! What do you think candy is made out of?" The boy replies, "Black people!"

Bill is shocked. He is wondering how in the world can a little boy say something that racist and that stupid. He says to the boy, "I am black and I don't taste like candy! See?" and bites parts of his flesh off. He tastes it and says, "I may taste like Smarties, but I am not candy!" Suddenly, he grabs out a paddle and starts w the boy's behind, along with Pink and Mitch. Aelita watches in horror and says, "Dad, did you sign me up?" He replies, "No. We signed up nobody. We just came in here to watch what kids say, but let's go on the roller coaster now." The gang stands up and walks out of the auditorium, along with the other people in it.

Outside, the gang walks over to the Rock and Roller Coaster and Aelita is in front of the line, along with Ulrich, Odd, and Graham, who want to ride it. The others just wait it out. Finally, they get into the front car and Graham says to his sister, "Now, Aelita. Don't scream. Is this your first time?" Aelita replies, "Not really. I've ridden many roller coasters in France and when I went with Ulrich to Six Flags in 11th grade, I rode that big coaster. Suddenly, I felt like I was Daniel Revo." Graham then buckles himself in and says to Odd, "Odd, is this your first time?" He then says with a quiver in his voice, "Yes."

Suddenly, the car goes up the 500-foot-high hill and goes down at a 90-degree angle, causing Odd to scream his head off while Aelita, Graham, and Ulrich started feeling like Daniel Revo. Soon, Odd opened his eyes while on an inversion and started to see black and white. He then said, "Do you want a roundhouse kick to the face?" and he realized that he started to feel like Daniel Revo. Soon, before they knew it, the ride was over. They all got off and Aelita walked over to Dan. She says to him, "You should've ridden it with us!" He replies, "Have I told you many times? I don't ride roller coasters. In fact, I'm actually scared of the endings, but not anything else. I feel like I'm going to destroy the Jimmy Franks Recording Company at the end, but then, I don't…and…why are you walking while you know that your bum foot is hurting badly?" She replies, "I don't like unevenness and I don't walk well with crutches." They walk towards the stunt show, but not after they stop by the Takoma Records display at Pizza Planet.

After pretty much being bored after 2 hours at Disney-MGM, except for the studio tour, Star Tours, the 3D Muppet movie, and Mission: Mars ride at Epcot, which they rode over just to ride that and the changed Test Track, they went back to their cars and Aelita was about to climb into the driver's seat until Graham says to her, "Aelita, it's…oh, wait. It's your turn." She gets into the driver's seat and cranks up the Crown Victoria. Lani says to Aelita, "I actually like how you drive." Aelita replies, "I know. It bores me to the max. All you do is just press on the gas and just steer, press the brakes, and shift if you know stick shift. I know all, but flying planes is way cooler." Franz says, "How'd you fly one? Is it that Skidbladnir that your boyfriend made?" Aelita replies, "Dad, Jeremy and I are just friends. William is the one I'm dating." She pulls out of her parking space and drives towards Kissimmee with the others. She picks up her two-way radio from the charger and says to Ulrich, "Breaker, breaker. This is Princess. Stern, are you there? Over."

In William's car, Ulrich is behind the wheel of the Mercedes-Benz while William is listening to his music and Herb is writing more melodies. He suddenly sees his two-way radio blare out Aelita's voice and he picks it up, replying, "This is Stern. Copy that, Princess. Over." Aelita then says over the radio, "Where do you want to go? There's a Chicago Uno Pizzeria, a Chili's, Pacino's, and a Perkins." Ulrich replies, "I'd like to go to Pacino's, since it is a special night. Oh, and William says hi." Aelita replies gleefully, "Yay! Yay! Kisses to you, William!"

Meanwhile, back in Aelita's car, she heads towards the Pacino's on Highway 441 in Kissimmee. The others follow her there and they finally park. Aelita gets out and meets with Jamieson. She says, "Phil, is this your choice?" He replies, "Yeah." Waldo walks to Aelita and says, "It's my choice, too. I've always wanted to enjoy more Italian cuisine. I've probably eaten more German food in Hendersonville than anybody else." Aelita replies, "Okay. Well, what in the world are the stamps on our hands for?" Graham stands up and clinks his glass with his fork. He says to the gang, "Can I have your attention, please?" The gang still talks over him. He repeats, "Can I have your attention, please?" The gang still talks. Finally, Graham has had enough and smashes a wine bottle over Aelita's bum foot. She screams, "DAMN IT!! THAT HURT!!"

Everybody stops and looks at Graham. He then says, "Good. I finally have my attention. Well, you know why you have the stamps on your hands?" Odd replies, "No, not really." Graham then says, "After dinner, we're going back to Disney-MGM so we can watch Fantasmic, but for the people who are frightened of fireworks and wizards, you can go to the stunt show, but my group is going to Fantasmic, whatever Aelita may be scared of." Aelita raises her hand and says to her brother, "Graham, I think I may be afraid of the show." Graham replies to her in an angry whisper, "Aelita, you are 16 and you shouldn't be afraid of stupid stuff like fireworks and wizards. I've seen it 50 freakin' times and I'm not scared of it." Aelita whispers back, "I'll try to watch it, but if I don't like it, can I read 'Anthem' by Ayn Rand?" Graham then says, "I hope you brought your own money because I'm not buying your concessions. You are all old enough to raise your own money."

Finally, after dinner, they drove back to Disney World and split into two groups. Franz led the first group, which comprised of Sissi, Herb, and Kristan Hopes, and they went to the stunt car show. The second group had everybody else and they went to Fantasmic. While walking to the amphitheatre, Jamieson says to Aelita, "Hey, Hopper. I'm so stoked about watching Fantasmic. I mean, we tried to see it back in '98, when it opened, but we were too busy trying to promote to a wrong crowd in America: the Silverchair fans. Our crowd is the alt-rockers and their devoted fans. No wonder why we see so many Nirvana references in our fans." Aelita replies, "Well, Phil, why you failed with the Silverchair crowd was because they were busy trying to find out what in the hell was Neon Ballroom. I have to say; I like Frogstomp better, but Neon Ballroom's about as good. It's just that Daniel Johns dislikes it so much that he got the rights to it and burned them and then he got the masters and burned them and then they put him in prison for burning Australia's most famous imported album."

Finally, the group gets in the amphitheater and sits down on the metal benches close to the water, in the "splash zone". Aelita rests her bum foot on the bench below her while William and Ulrich sit themselves next to her. Aelita says to William, "Do you want to get some concessions? I don't. I'm trying to watch my weight." William mumbles under his breath, "I didn't know I was going to date an anorexic." Ulrich says to Aelita, "So, are you anorexic?" Aelita replies, "Actually, no. I'm just afraid of handles. Those things are hard to get off. That's why I joined track." Ulrich then says to her, "So that's why you about risked your life every day, even if you had that temporary heart palpitation. I mean, when you fainted big time, I thought you were going to die until you woke up and then Jim told you to stay away from track for a while." Aelita says to him, "Do you think the water here is cold? Sometimes, if I get into frickin' cold water, I can faint." Ulrich replies, "I don't know." Suddenly, a wave of water splashes onto the row where Aelita is sitting, causing her to shiver very heavily and her eyes to cross.

Ulrich looks at her and says, "What's wrong with you?" Aelita replies, "What degree is that water?" He replies, "I don't know. I think it's about 32 to 65 degrees Fahrenheit." Aelita's eyes uncross and she stops shivering heavily. She says, "Finally, I'm out of my cold snap. I haven't lived in Gatlinburg so long that I lost my tolerance to cold weather." William, coming back from the snack bar with bags of popcorn, Coke, Crystal Pepsi, and corn dogs, listened to Aelita when she said that and puts down the concessions. He says, "You used to live in Gatlinburg? I've been to that place before! I even saw where, now that I think about it, your dad's old shop used to be. It's now A. Butkin's Place of Pancakes And Criticism and I hate it. It's even worse than Delta Farce!" Aelita replies, "William, I haven't told you this before, but it's true. I used to live in Gatlinburg back in the day, between '82 and '92, '82 being my birth and '92 being my move to France, when I left Daniel behind." William replies with a stern tone, "Are you dating him?" She replies, "What the? No! If I didn't move to France, then yes!" William sits down and gets his food. He starts munching on a corn dog while the dragon tries to shoot Mickey Mouse with a bottle of Pepsi. Aelita looks at the show and it starts to show red and yellow lights repeatedly in a fast motion, causing several audience members to have a seizure.

Soon, Aelita says to William, "Well, William. Since you and I are bored with this behemoth of copyright infringement and that Ulrich's filming it so he can show it to Odd so they can make a parody of this show, I feel like…" William's thinking, "Oh, yeah! I get to score her big time, but wouldn't that be a sin?" and his hands rub. Aelita continues, "…I mean, since we are a couple and people won't misunderstand us, will you give me…" William's thinking, "…a scoring? A back rub?" Aelita finishes, "…a foot rub? My bum foot is hurting me. Maybe I should've kept that cast on. A good massage would do me good and help me divert my attention away from this stupid show." William pauses for a moment. He thinks, "Did she just say foot rub? I think I heard her say that. I mean, I don't like touching those…things. Oh, well, in order to keep the relationship, I guess." He then says, "Do you want your broken foot first?" She replies, "Yes." She puts her broken foot in his lap and says, "Does anybody have the lotion?"

Meanwhile, Ulrich gets up from his seat and goes to Odd, who's also filming footage of the show. He says, "Odd, do you have skin lotion? William needs it for Aelita." Odd hands him a bottle of skin lotion and says, "Trust me. It'll work good." Ulrich grabs it and replies, "Thanks, buddy." He throws it to William, but it hits him in the face, causing the bottle to land in the water, turning it pink and making it smell like acid. Aelita sees this and says, "Well, now that Ulrich threw the lotion in the water, just screw the lotion!" William goes ahead and takes off the shoe. He starts rubbing her foot in a calming manner while the lotion in the water gets near the boat that goes around as soon as Mickey defeats the dragon and catches it on fire. Parts of the boat burn up and the costumed workers try to get off the boat, but the person representing Ariel's roboticized fin catches on fire and explodes her lower torso off. Aelita turns her head to see the violence and says, "This show's getting better." Suddenly, the costumed worker with the exploding fin screams to the audience, "This was not in the script! This was not in the script!" Soon, all of the young kids are screaming as the fire is getting near them and has already burnt the first row, but not made them die.

Aelita sees the fire get closer to William and says, "Run and get your stuff! I'll catch up with you!" William gets his stuff and runs to the entrance of the park while Aelita gets her socks and shoes back on. She gets her stuff and runs out with Ulrich and Odd to the entrance while the mountain explodes in a fiery behemoth. Graham catches up with her and says, "What did Ulrich do?" Ulrich replies, "I think I threw a bottle of nitroglycerine/LSD to William. Thank God it landed in the lake or else it would've hurt Aelita and William." Graham says, "I think that belonged to Alex Rider." Suddenly, the MI6 group from the Anthony Horowitz books, which comprise of the director, Miss Jones, Alex, and his "mom", come to Odd. Alex says, "I guess we switched bags, eh, buddy?" Odd replies, "Yeah, I guess. I thought that was skin lotion." Alex then says, "It looks like skin lotion and works like skin lotion on a human, but when it touches a non-organic substance, it will burst into flames. It's completely harmless on a human. I just came here to watch the show because I heard that something was utterly bad about this and I know." Odd replies, "What is it?" Alex then whispers in his ear and Odd's eyes widen. He says, "So Disney is made of terrorists and the United States government is after them?" Alex replies, "Yeah. Thank God for your mistake that you saved the day from their 'Baby-izer'. That is their invention to make everybody love 'Leonard Part 6' and 'Baby Geniuses'. The CIA and the MI6 have been after it for so long. Even the cast members were behind it, except for the costumed Ariel. It was funny how she became Lt. Dan in a heartbeat, right?" Odd frowns and says to him, "No, it wasn't. That was my real cousin from Canada, Aelita Stones."

Alex points to Aelita and says, "She's standing in front of me." Odd replies, "No. That's Aelita Hopper. We called her Aelita Stones because we were afraid of that if the people found out, she and Jeremy would be put in jail." Miss Jones then says to Odd, "Well, why the MIB's after Aelita is because a family wanted to adopt her because Franz was considered an unfit father, but seeing how he improved, they quit on the case in 2006." Aelita steps up and says to Miss Jones, "Well, who was to be my adoptive family then?" She replies, "The Stern family, with dad Frank, mother Annabel, and son Ulrich." Aelita's mouth is wide open and she thinks to herself, "So my friend was to be my younger brother? That's why I can get along with him!" She walks to Ulrich and hugs him, saying, "Welcome to my life, young brother." Ulrich replies, "She said that my family was to adopt you, but you weren't adopted. In fact, we're still friends, but with a brother/sister connection, like Graham and you."

Suddenly, the MI6 agents ride away in their helicopter and the gang meet up with the others who had gone to see the stunt show. They looked a bit cartoon-charred, as there was a big explosion caused by John McClane. Franz says to Graham, "That was weird as hell. Let's go to our hotels." Graham then says to the gang, as in reply to Franz's question, "Wait a minute! Aelita, Jeremy, William, Yumi, Ulrich, Odd, and Sissi are staying at my place while the rest of you go have fun over at the Sheraton. Oh wait, I forgot. A bunch of freakin' Democrats is at my house, w my stereo, so the gang has to rent their own hotels in the Sheraton. I give them my credit card number so they can rent, but they pay for room service. Let's go!" The gang walks out of the park as the FBI close it for examination on the terrorist activities and walk back to their cars.

Aelita gets in the car, as usual, and gets in the driver's seat, but then Lani says to her, "Aelita, let me take over. You're so tense." Aelita gets into the passenger's seat and Lani buckles herself in the driver's seat. She cranks up the car, backs up, and speeds all of the way to the Orlando Sheraton, with the others trailing behind her. Aelita is jolted back and says to her mom, "Mom, why are you speeding?" Lani replies, "Princess, this is how I drive: reckless and friggin' righteous." Soon, all of the gang arrive at the Sheraton and stop in the parking garage. Ulrich gets out of his car and knocks on the driver's window to see Lani behind the wheel. He then says, "Whoa. You drive fast as hell. Now let's get our rooms!" The gang gets out of their cars and head to the lobby…

END OF CHAPTER 2


	3. The Return of Nicholas Poliakoff

Accessible Idea For The Ages

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 3: An Affair Attacked

When Aelita walked into the hotel room, she instantly put her suitcase on the foot of her bed and unzipped it. She fumbled through the luggage to find her pajamas and got them. She put them on the bed, slipped off her Pumas, and walked in socks over to the vending machine, where Ulrich was, trying to get a bag of potato chips. Aelita says to the German, "Hello, Ulrich. How's it goin'?" He responds, "Doin' good, Aelita. How are you? Did you come here to get a Pepsi?" She answers, "Actually, no. I came here to get water. I'm trying to lay off the sodas. I feel like I'm becoming Daniel Johns' worst nightmare: fat." Ulrich puts his hand on her shoulder and says to her with a stern look on his face, "Look at me. I don't want you becoming like him or Karen of that pop group. Just please don't become anorexic. It's bad." Aelita replies, "Okay" and gets her bottled water from the vending machine. She walks back to her room, where William is, watching TV. He says to her, "Hey, Aelita. That was one night that we had tonight, with the explosions and the lotion."

She lies down on the bed and says to William, "You know, you never really finished my massage because of the explosions." William thinks angrily, "Is she high-maintenance because I don't really feel that great right now." Aelita continues, "I don't want it right now" and puts the earbuds to her iPod in her ears. She switches the song to "Here In Your Bedroom" and starts going to sleep. William continues watching the TV and finally turns it off. He kisses his date goodnight and proceeds to remove her socks to ensure a good sleep. He gets into the same bed after undressing into his underwear and starts kissing his friend. She kisses him back and they start exchanging kisses, leading up to William getting on top of Aelita and saying to her, "Now let's do it."

The next morning, they both wake up, feeling satisfied and with Jesus hitting his head against the refrigerator door, Paul yelling, "Stop, man. Did a couple do it too early? They might be in that big of a love, the next Franz and Lani. I like to call her Antea for some reason." Meanwhile, Aelita gets up from the bed and gets dressed in a pink t-shirt, a pair of jeans, her ankle socks, and her pair of Pumas. She says to William, "You getting dressed?" He replies, "I don't know. I just may…" She slaps him on the face and says, "We're going to Atlanta today, so get dressed and follow me to the car. I bet my parents and my brother are waiting for us." He gets out of the bed, gets dressed in his clothes that he wore yesterday, and follows Aelita, along with the suitcases and dirty clothes, to the front desk, where they turn in the card, and to the car, where Graham, Franz, and Lani were waiting for them. When they got there, Graham says to Aelita, "Where were you? We were about to head to the Waffle House before we left Orlando without y'all." William is confused. He says to Graham, "What is Waffle House? What does 'y'all' mean? In fact, what in the hell happened at the pool?" Graham adds, "That's Ulrich's story for you, William. Now go with him…why'd I hear Aelita moaning last night and you screaming?" Aelita and William blush and get tightness in their stomachs. Franz says to them, "I had my first doing when I was 16." William sighs in relief and says, "Well, Aelita and I, we did…it." Graham hits his head on the trunk of the rental car and yells to them, "You f—ked each other? Why?" Aelita replies, "Well, he and I are about the same…" Franz says, "It's not really a forced doing. You both wanted to and both of you were the same age. I did that myself with Lani. We were married 6 years before Graham was born." Graham blushes and sees Big Fat Cheesehead running from the hotel building to his rental car with the staff chasing him, as he had refused to turn in his card, saying, "Lex Luthor doesn't need to turn in his card at the hotel!" Graham grabs Jeremy and turns the card to the staff. He says to Jeremy, "You know what your ex-girlfriend did?" He replies, "No." Graham says happily, "They did each other!"

Jeremy balls up his hand into a knuckle and yells to Aelita, "You did William?! How could you? We were supposed to do each other!" She replies, "I don't have feelings for you anymore, BIG FAT CHEESEHEAD!! THIS TIME, IT IS FOR REAL!!!" He punches her in the arm and she starts crying, her dad hugging her. Lani jumps up from the car hood and says to Jeremy, "You messed with my gift from heaven! Now, you will experience the wrath of Antea!" Graham walks to his mom and says, "I thought your name was Lani." She replies, "Well, the guys at Moonscoop gave me the name Antea and plus, that was my first name, but still, WRATH!!!" and starts to kick Jeremy in the balls. He winces in pain and falls down, yelling, "OH, CRAP!!!"

After that, the gang gets into their respected cars and drive over to a Waffle House on Highway 441. Meanwhile, in Aelita's car, she is jamming out to Pavement's 4th CD and most popular to this date, "Brighten the Corners", while still having a guilty look on her face. Suddenly, her cell phone rings. She answers it. "Hello?" she says to the caller, looking scared. The caller replies, "Don't worry, Aelita. It's me, your friend, Nicholas. I'm at the Waffle House on US 441 and I heard that you were coming in a few minutes. Is that right?" She replies, "Yeah" and sees the Waffle House and Nicholas waving his arms in the air to signal her. Aelita pulls into the parking lot and parks her car in a spot next to Nick. She gets out and hugs him, saying, "It's been a long time since I saw you! Where were you all along?" He replies, "Well, my parents said that Kadics was too rebellious for me, so they took me back to Atlanta and applied for me at Oxford/Emory while I spent the rest of my senior year homeschooled." Aelita's jaw drops and she says, "You were living in Atlanta?" He replies, "Yeah. My dad knew a guy named Franz Hopper and he worked for him, but his wife succumbed to cancer in 1991. It was so sad for him and his daughter, so they moved to France in 1992, but they were gone in 1994, never to be found again."

Aelita, after hearing the story, replies to Nick, "Nick, will you head inside the car with me? I need to tell you something." He gets inside the car with Aelita and she says, "I am the daughter of Franz Hopper. I know. We also had a brother who was heavily ignored until the Meg Griffin Policy was enacted in 1994." Nicholas says to her, "Okay. What is…oh, wait. It was the law, made in honor of Meg Griffin, who shot herself with a Colt in 1994, which says that you have to give some attention to the ignored and bland and ugly. Your brother wasn't any of them. He was good, but was he…"

Aelita replies, "No, but he did break my dad's Laserdiscs, peeling off the dead side's cover."

Nicholas answers back, "Well, the dead side of a Laserdisc is just another side of an improperly manufactured film. I have many at my house. If we can get to Atlanta in time, I'll show you them and possibly, my drum set with 50 snare drums and a bunch of cymbals…but why didn't you tell the government about Lyoko?"

She then says to him, "You want to know why? The government wants to shoot anybody on sight that has to do with the digital world, so we kept it a secret until they said, 'Screw this. Franz ain't gonna be found.' Well, they found my dad and guess what?"

Nick questions, "What?"

She then says, "They gave him a check because he was improperly treated all of the time. In fact, after coming back, this is his 2nd time coming to the USA. The first time was by accident. Well, thanks for being our drummer for a while until we decided to quit the band."

He replies, "Yeah, but I had a feeling, because Jeremy had penned the lyrics to that hit we made…'Love Affair'…I always thought the song was about you. I have those same feelings for you, like your boyfriend William. I loved you when Jeremy didn't."

Aelita faints and Nicholas tries to bring her back to life. Anyways, 30 minutes later, Aelita wakes up with a to-go box in her lap and Nicholas says to her, "Hey, Aelita. You fainted big time in the car 30 minutes ago. What did you dream about?" She smiles and hugs him.

She then whispers to him, "You." Nicholas blushes and replies, "Well, Aelita. I love you, too." They ride off towards Atlanta and 8 hours later, they get there…in front of Nicholas' house, though. Ulrich gets out of his car and says to Nick, "Hey, Nicky. Why are we at your house?" Nick breathes in the air and then replies, "Well, Ulrich. Why are we at my house? Aelita and William are spending the night with me. You're going to somewhere else." Ulrich shakes hands and walks back to his car while Aelita and William get out, along with their suitcases.

Nick says to them, "Well, guys. You're going to be spending the night with me until tomorrow, when we all go to White Water." Aelita hugs him and says, "Nick, why are we going to White Water?" Nick doesn't say anything, but they go inside his house. Inside, it is decorated to the craploads with knick-knacks, movie posters, and a bunch of outdoorsman stuff. He leads them up to his room, where it is like his old room at Kadics, but it has a Laserdisc player, the LD-600 to be exact. Aelita looks at the player and sees a bunch of "one-sided" Laserdiscs next to it. She says to Nick, who's putting up his suitcase, "Why do you have a crapload of one-sided Laserdiscs? You can't play those!" William walks over to her and says, "He has an LD-600, one of the best Laserdisc players in the world, noted for its non-lockout procedure, so you can play the so-called 'dead' side on the Laserdiscs." Aelita puts one of the one-sided Laserdiscs in and she instantly sees a turtle for 6 minutes, then a video comes up, with Mr. T saying, "You foo! I pity you! You retarded!" and dancing around like a chicken on marijuana that's having 20 cans of Jolt Cola and 8 cans of Red Bull. She ejects it and hands it over to Nicholas, who rips off a very thin green layer from the side. He hands it to her and she plays it. Suddenly, the film "Pink Floyd: The Wall" plays and Aelita stares at amazement. Finally, she gets to the part where she knows why they had to put the layer on: the credits' exact end kept on freezing. She ejects it and hands it back to Nicholas, who puts it in its case, which is a case for "Pink Floyd: The Wall", ironically. He says, "Yep, that was a high-definition version of the film you just saw. By the way, where's William?"

Suddenly, William comes up to the room with his suitcase and says, "Sorry I took so late, man. What was the film?" Nick replies, "The Wall." William is confused because he usually relates "The Wall" as Nick puts it as a rock album, not a film. He says to him, "Nick, they made that album into a film?" Aelita then chimes in, "It's good, too! Pink's a dictator and builds a wall for some odd reason!" William grabs the Laserdisc from Nick's hands and starts to play Side 1, which is the film. He sits back and watches the avant-garde film. Nick and Aelita leave the room and head to the living room, where Odd is sitting on the couch, looking at a Captain Beefheart album, which is "Trout Mask Replica", the best and the worst album ever. He says to them, "Nick, I don't think Aelita has this album. Why do you?" Aelita walks over and grabs the double album. She says, "I have 'Trout Mask'. It's weird and noisy and a bunch of cacophonic shit, but it's a great rock album to own. My dad has the LP and I have the CD. It's on my iPod." Nick grabs the LP from her and says, "I got this from a pawn shop in Paris about 7 years ago because I thought it was a comedy album, especially with the weird fish man on the cover. When I listened to it, however, my music taste would be changed forever…"

Nick continues, "I was 11 and Herve and Sissi were in my room one day. I presented to them that album and they thought the weird dude was funny. However, I popped the vinyl onto the record player and so many minutes of cacophony were heard. I thought it was beautiful, probably what Don Van Vliet thought when he sent it to Frank for approval. Herve and Sissi didn't like it at all. It's amazing to see someone who has the same taste of music as I do, rather than listening to stereotypical favorites, like rap and techno." Aelita replies, "Hey, I wonder if William likes this…or that banana album by Velvet Underground…or Freak Out…or Wowee Zowee." Nick adds, "Wowee Zowee and 'Velvet Underground & Nico' are 2 very listenable albums. However, Freak Out and Trout Mask aren't, but I'd like to see if William loves this."

About an hour later, William comes downstairs and sees Aelita coming to him with a pair of headphones. He puts them on and walks with her to the record player. She plugs the headphones in and puts on "Trout Mask Replica". He starts to scream, "TURN THIS OFF!! I'M NOT INTO AVANT-GARDE CRAP!!" The gang runs out of the room and he falls to the floor, still shocked at the music. About an hour later, the music is beautiful to him and the gang walks back in. He tries to take off the headphones, but they're glued on to him. Aelita cuts them off and he says, "Thanks…I love Captain Beefhead!" Aelita corrects him, "Beefheart, but I don't see why his albums are that good, along with the Shaggs. Remember when Savatage and Linkin Park remade Trout Mask?" William replies, "Yes, but those were good for some reason, but the real music lovers did not love those albums. They got horrible reviews, even from Stephen Thomas Erlewine, who called it outright…'the worst album in history. Not even William Hung could beat them.'" However, for that avant-garde crap, he calls it beautiful. I do, too. I haven't really heard it in a long time…well, in a day, but it's not a daily album I listen to. It's one of those albums you listen to if you don't want to listen to 'Safe As Milk'."

After that weird conversation, the gang went downstairs and headed to the kitchen, where Nick's parents were, all dressed up and heading out. Nick says to them, "Where are you all going?" His mom replies, "Well, we're off to a Japanese restaurant downtown. You want to come? The others are." He agrees and heads with them. Aelita, William, and Odd head to the rental car and get in. Odd grabs the keys from his pocket and ignites the engine. He heads downtown with the help of the Captain Beefheart-sounding road map that's on the dashboard and sees the restaurant in the distance. He parks in a parking garage and heads to the restaurant with his friends. They walk into the restaurant, and, for some reason, it plays the "Core" album by Stone Temple Pilots. The trio waits for the others and they soon arrive.

They get a table next to a paper-covered window and take their shoes off, as it was Japanese tradition. Aelita puts her sneakers on the floor and saw the waiter, a Daniel Johns look-alike, walk to their table/hibachi grill. Soon, he arrives in full and says to them, "Welcome to Hiroshima. How may I take your drinks today?" Odd replies, "Stand on your head and write our orders down." The waiter does that and says, "Drink, please?" Odd answers, "Yes, I'll have a lemon-lime soda, Lars will have the cola, Aelita will have the alternative soda made by doctors, Yumi will have some rice wine for some reason, Graham will have seltzer water, Nick's mom and dad will have tea, and Nick will have that alternative soda. Got that down?" The waiter replies, "Yeah" and walks to the kitchen, where he gets the sodas and drinks. He walks back to their table with the drinks and hands them, surprisingly, to the people that Odd had requested that wanted the drink. He says to Odd, "Yeah. I'm that keen. Now, guys, what are your entrees?" Odd tries to speak, but then Aelita chimes in, "I'll have the steak/lobster tail combo, Odd will have the chicken, Yumi will have the chicken, Ulrich aka Lars will have the same thing as I, Graham will have the most expensive thing on the menu that consists of steak, Nick will have the same thing as I, and his parents will have sushi. You may not know, but…" The waiter interrupts, "Your boyfriend William and your friend Jeremy are in the bathroom. I know what they want."

He walks from the table and soon comes a cook that looks like Captain Beefheart, acts like Captain Beefheart, and sings like Captain Beefheart. In reality, he may be Captain Beefheart. He brings out a bunch of rice, soy sauce, eggs, and butter and starts to spread it all over the grill. He pours out a bottle of White Lightning moonshine and it ignites the grill, starting it to cook. He mixes the rice and many things and the gang watch as he puts it into bowls and hands it to them. Aelita starts to eat hers as William and Jeremy come back from the bathroom and sit down. They are handed their rice and they start eating it. William says to her, "Aelita, did the waiter take down the orders?" She replies, "Yeah, but he guessed for you both. Did you want Dr Peppers?" He replies, "Yeah, but…" and sees the soda in front of him. He sips it and says, "It's good. Jeremy, try yours." Jeremy sips his and says, "It tastes better than that…that…whore you did at the hotel!" William instantly gets guilt and says, "Jeremy, I'm sorry. We're both sorry! It was a mistake so we could make this fanfic not so clean! Just erase it from your mind!" Aelita gets guilt and says to Jeremy, "I'm sorry, Jeremy! It's like what William said! Will you people in the fanfic just forget about it?"

Suddenly, that whole page is wiped out and the people forget that William and Aelita ever did do it.

Finally, after a few minutes, their food comes up and the cook leaves, saying, "Dine here tomorrow for lunch! It may be expensive and so xenophobic, but the food is better than Burger Chef!" The gang digs in and eats the food. All somewhat enjoy it. However, Nick's parents are at the sushi bar. Suddenly, Franz and Antea (I'm tired of Lani!) walk in and say, "Why'd you leave us at the house?" Aelita blushes and says, "Oh, dear. We're eating now. Why'd you come here?" Antea starts to dance silly while some midget in a teddy bear outfit dances on the counter. Stewart Rafill runs through the halls with money in his hands, yelling out, "Yes! Yes! Yes!!" Aelita slaps herself on the forehead and yells, "Will people stop referencing to a bad film? I know it's that funny, but stop this silliness! I don't want to see dancing football players and agents!" Antea stops dancing silly and sits on a chair. She says, "You've seen that film?"

Finally, the gang head back to Nick's house and head off to bed, not knowing what would happen the next day…

END OF CHAPTER 3


	4. White Water, Caress The Foot

Accessible Idea For The Ages

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 4: Riddles Are All Abound

Aelita woke up, scared from her nightmares, and got out of her temporary bed. She walked downstairs to the kitchen to get some water and drank it, obviously. She then walked back upstairs to the guest bedroom and went back to sleep.

She entered into her nightmares again and started to scream out, "Help me, Jesus! Help me from this hell!"

She started to cry in her sleep and woke up, sad.

However, the time had passed 5 hours and saw William, who slept next to her, put his jeans, black Nine Inch Nails shirt, and brown leather jacket on.

He said to her, "Get your clothes on, sleepyhead! We're heading out to White Water!"

Aelita stood up and went into the closet to change into her bathing suit. She wore a pink t-shirt, jeans, and pink flip-flops over it, just to be safe.

He looked at her and said, "What is White Water, exactly?"

She responded, "It's a water park that's fun. I've heard of it so many times back when I used to live in Gatlinburg. By the way, bring your bathing suit."

She walked downstairs and told the others to bring their bathing suits, as they also haven't heard of White Water. They listened to her and they get ready to load up into the car. However, the gang did not know why they're going to the water park.

Graham walked to them and said, "This is why we're going to White Water. Nick's parents got season passes and managed to get us tickets to the water park. I paid them, so be happy. It should be a pretty good senior trip."

Aelita sighed in relief. She thought she was going to be fed to Michael Stipe as energy-efficient fuel for their new album in hi-fi…no. She just sighed to be relieved about the fact that Graham is taking them to White Water.

The gang load up into the car and wait for Graham, who is getting his car keys. He comes out of the house and gets into the driver's seat. He cranked the engine on and backed out of the driveway, driving all of the way to White Water. When they got there, Graham parked the car and the gang got out.

He said, "Gang, we're about to go in," and handed everybody his or her passes.

Aelita got hers and walked all of the way to the water park. William, Odd, Ulrich, and Yumi followed her.

Aelita said to the gang after looking at what they wore, "Guys, you'd better put on your bathing suits."

The gang went to the nearest bathroom and changed into their bathing suits. Aelita tapped her foot whilst waiting for the gang. Finally, they got out in their bathing suits and they went to a place to set down their towels.

Aelita said to them, "Let's split into groups. Graham, Odd, Ulrich, William, and I will go with me while the others are in their group."

The gang agreed and went with her to the Cliff Hanger, a really tall slide. They had to wait for the line to settle down before they rode it. Aelita crossed her legs and arms and slid the slide down the 90-degree angle. At the bottom was a bravery-ranking register that measured the bravery from "Town Idiot", which is plain "scaredy cat", to "Daniel Revo", which is a level so brave, only two people have gotten it: Daniel Revo and Aelita Hopper. Well, Aelita had gotten that rating again.

Odd slid down the slide and was rated 2nd place, or "Austin Hahn", who gets ridiculously close to "Daniel Revo", but not close enough.

After that, the gang went into the Little Hooch Lazy River for 5 hours, only to come out after 5 hours. Aelita sat down on a chaise lounge and relaxed while many people passed by her. One of them was Kyle Reagan, a church boy who was at the park on that same day.

He said to Aelita, "Hey, man. What's up?"

Aelita replied, "I'm doing good, Reagan. How are you?"

Kyle added, "I'm good. Anything I can do?"

Aelita replied, "Well, let me sleep, Reagan."

Kyle left the vicinity.

Jeremy walked to Aelita and stared at her.

He said, "Hopper."

She replied, "Belpois."

Jeremy leaned closer to Aelita's tootsies, which were wet and wrinkled. He started to play with her toes, trying to pass the time, until his hormones got the best of him. He then slapped the broken foot and ran off to the Lazy River. Aelita screamed out in pain, even shedding some tears.

Graham got up from his chaise lounge and ran to Aelita.

He said, "What's wrong, sis?"

Aelita replied, "Look what Jeremy did to me!" and showed him her broken foot's irritated, painful, wrinkled and wet sole.

He replied, "I'll get him for you" and ran to the Lazy River.

He blocked traffic coming from the left side to get Jeremy. Meanwhile, Jeremy was relaxing on the Lazy River, thinking about what he did and how it made him feel so good. Suddenly, he saw Graham trying to grab him and he went underwater to evade him. Graham got him, however, and he took Jeremy to a chaise lounge, where he slapped his hand on his butt. Jeremy screamed out and cried.

After that incident, Graham went to Aelita and said, "Sis, I got Jeremy."

Jeremy, who was following Graham, yelled to Aelita, "You shouldn't have been freed by me! You shouldn't have!" and stuck his middle finger at her.

Aelita stared at him and said, "Let me sleep, Belpois!"

Suddenly, a voice was projected over the intercom.

It said, "We'll be closing in 15 minutes. Ride your last rides and get the hell out of our park!"

Aelita got up, knowing what she was to do. She got Ulrich and Odd and they ran over to the Tornado. They rode it and had some fun until they realized that they needed to get out of the park. They went to their lockers, got their clothes out, and went to the bathroom to change.

The gang came out in their clothes that they came to White Water in. Aelita, however, came out of the bathroom wearing a dark pink t-shirt with a white skull and black crossbones on it, a pair of Baker jeans, and pink shoes with socks on. She held her bag, which had her towel and flip-flops, and ran all the way to the car, after turning in her key. She got in the car and dug within the pockets of the seats to find her wallet. She put it in her pants pocket.

Nicholas said to her, "Did you have fun at White Water?"

Aelita replied, "Yep, I did, but Jeremy slapped my broken foot. It hurts…so, Nick, where are we going to eat? I'm hungry."

Nicholas then said to her, "We're going to the Big Chicken."

Aelita was in awe. She hadn't been to the Big Chicken in her life, but she had heard that KFC owned it just for promotion and that it was the best KFC restaurant in the history of the chain itself. She also had heard that most of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes were taped at the restaurant's chicken statue, which boosted the popularity of the restaurant itself.

Soon enough, the rest of the gang got in the car and away the car started to go. Aelita looked out into the window, seeing the Big Chicken in the distance, and put in the earbuds of her iPod into her ears. She turned it on and listened to "Emotion Sickness".

Yumi tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Aelita, where are we going?"

Aelita replied, "Possibly the Big Chicken."

Suddenly, the car went into the parking lot for the Big Chicken and parked. The gang got out and went inside the restaurant. Aelita sat down at a table and got out her cell phone. She switched it to a game and started to play.

Graham saw her and said, "Hey, sis. What's that you're playing?"

Aelita replied, "It's just math equations."

Graham turned to the side of the screen and saw Aelita solve a bunch of math equations using her head.

He then said to her, "You know, sis, you can solve problems like Rain Man. Are you by any means autistic?"

Aelita replied, "No, but I do remember when the teachers thought I was. I was like a human calculator, but I also had idiosyncratic rules about the universe, like 'food shall be separate, or else it's Armageddon', 'life has to be fair for everybody, especially me, or it's Armageddon', and 'let me do it or let me finish what I was doing, or else it's freakin' Armageddon!!!' You see, Graham? I can't live my normal life if my brain keeps making the Handbook for Asshats, Jerks, and Things Left Unsaid!" and started to cry.

Graham hugged her and said, "It's okay, sis. I know how you feel. In fact, if you know it or not, I'm autistic. I found out last year. I was scared at first, but I kept on living my life and soon, I was friggin' Senator! Now, I'm thinking about retiring to be with you."

Aelita stopped crying and smiled.

She said, "Thank you, Graham."

After dinner, the gang went back to Nicholas' house, where Aelita went in and started to walk upstairs. The chicken and Dr Pepper made her sleepy; however, she hugged her parents first and then went to her temporary room to sleep. She unlaced her shoes, took them off, removed her Rolex, and flopped down on the bed, instantaneously going to sleep.

Meanwhile, Jeremy entered the house and said to Aelita's parents, "Hey, Antea and Franz. How's Aelita?"

Franz replied, "She's upstairs, sleeping. You can go say goodnight to her, but I suggest you wouldn't. She may get mad."

Jeremy added, "I know she won't."

Jeremy walked upstairs to Aelita's temporary room and opened the door. He saw her sleeping like a rock and walked to her.

He whispered, "Goodnight, my friend," and listened for a sound.

Nothing.

Aelita then mumbled something that went like, "You know what you want to do with me…"

Jeremy listened and closed the door. He walked towards the foot of the bed, where Aelita's tootsies in their pink socks were hanging somewhat off of the bedpost. He placed his hand on one of them and started to rub it. Aelita sighed in relief in her sleep and Jeremy kept on.

After a few minutes, Aelita woke up and saw Jeremy doing this. She went back to sleep and Jeremy kept on. Finally, he started to tickle inside the sock and Aelita laughed in her sleep. He finally removed the sock and Aelita woke up, seeing him sniff her bare foot.

She said in a happy-going-to-angry-mood, "Does my foot stink?"

He replied happily, "NO, IT DOESN'T! It smells like taxicab air freshener and sweat! Now, let's see if you can take my methods of torture!" and got out a Bic lighter.

He placed the lighter on Aelita's bare foot and it caught on fire.

Aelita screamed out in pain, "GOD, HELP ME!!"

Meanwhile, downstairs, Graham, Odd, William, Ulrich, and Nicholas are in the hot tub, eating Moonpies and drinking Royal Crown Colas when, from nowhere, a smelly pink sock lands on Graham's face. A scream for help from inside the house is heard. Graham got out of the hot tub in haste.

Odd said to Graham, "Graham, what's wrong?"

Graham replied, "Get out of the hot tub. My sister's in trouble. We need to help her."

The boys got out of the hot tub and wrapped their towels over their bathing shorts. They peeked inside and saw Franz and Antea watching TV. The boys went in and ran past them. They went to the bathroom and changed into their clothes.

At the same time, in the room, Aelita is in tears and in extreme pain. Not only had Jeremy burned her bare sole, he had pulled out her toenails and stuck a Swiss army knife in her Achilles' tendon.

Just as he was starting to take off the other sock, she said to him, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, JEREMY?"

He replied, "You know why? I freed you just to satisfy my hormones! I'm under so much stress, it's like I need to do this in order to free that stress in my pants!"

Aelita kicked him and Jeremy licked the bleeding foot. Both of them landed on the floor, face to face.

Aelita yelled to him, "_Jeremy, what is wrong with you?_"

Jeremy replied, "_I love you so much. I want to use you._"

Suddenly, the door slammed down in front of them. In came Graham and the boys.

Graham said to Jeremy, "Jeremy, why are you doing this to my sister?"

Jeremy saw a Colt on the floor and grabbed it. He aimed it at his head and Graham grabbed it.

Jeremy replied, "GET AWAY FROM ME! I WAS TRYING TO HAVE FUN!!" and ran out of the room to his room, where he cried.

Nicholas bent over and said to Aelita, "Are you okay?"

Aelita replied, "No, I'm not. I mean, the mental anguish may last, but he was caressing my broken foot and using it as his experiment, this Dr. Forrester-like character."

Nick helped her up and she wobbled over to the bed. The boys gasped at the damage that Jeremy did to Aelita's broken foot.

Graham said to Aelita, "He did this to you? Gee, you won't be able to walk for a while!"

Aelita replied, "Yes, he did," tears streaming down her face from the mental and physical pain.

Ulrich walked to her and said, "Don't worry. You're going to be okay."

Aelita fell asleep while crying. Graham removed her other sock and put it in the laundry room with its mate. He then went to the kitchen and saw William making a homemade cookies and cream milkshake.

William said to him, "What was wrong with my GF?"

Graham replied, "Jeremy caressed her broken foot too much. She's now having very bad mental anguish."

William turned off the blender and poured the milkshake into a glass. He then observed that he had made one glass too much of the milkshake mixture.

William said, "Graham, do you want a milkshake?"

Graham replied, "Yeah. That'd be swell, Willie."

William poured Graham a glass and they sat down on the couch in the living room, watching the Channel 2 Action News.

Graham drank some of his milkshake and said, "You know, William, this is the most twisted vacation I've ever been on."

William added, "True that."

The next morning, Aelita woke up and got out of the bed. She walked naturally, but somewhat painfully. She got out a pair of socks from her suitcase and put them on. She slipped on her flip-flops and walked downstairs to the kitchen.

Jeremy, who was moping around, said to Aelita, "Jeremy Robert Belpois sorry. He wants to forgive you."

Aelita, angry at him for yesterday's events, replied, "Aelita Melanie Hopper no forgive your sorry ass."

She got herself a glass of milk and walked to the couch, where William and the boys were watching "Tommy Boy".

She said to William, "William, I can't forgive Jeremy. He did all of these-"

William interrupted, "Okay, Aelita. I get your point. Graham told me about the incident. If you wanna know something, be prepared: I am not the son of Herb Alpert. I would space out myself in another mind because my dad would hurt me a lot. I had met Herb one time. He was like my second dad. I was in that record for an experiment. My dad would put people in records and hypnotize them to become the son of the artist making the record. He had done experiments with the Pixies and the MC5, but they became senile after putting the person in the record, so he put me in the record of Alpert and he never became senile a bit. However, he thinks he is my dad" and started to sob.

Aelita hugged him and cried.

She said, "I never knew that. I just want to be closer to you…"

END OF CHAPTER 4


	5. A Night Out On The Town

Accessible Idea For The Ages

By

Malky

* * *

Chapter 5: The Guy Who Can't Talk Real Good But Can Shop At Safeway Sometimes Just To Be A Recluse

* * *

A day later, over at the Metro City Diner in Atlanta, Aelita was sitting in a booth all by herself while a reclusive rock star who was spotted at Safeway some time ago watched her.

He sat down and said to her, "I know how you feel. Somebody made you feel bad, didn't they?"

Aelita replied, "Yeah, man. My ex-boyfriend d me two days ago and I just can't forgive him. He's hard to forgive."

The rock star then said, "You gotta forgive yer enemies, miss, y'know? It said so in the Bible. Have you ever read it recently?"

Aelita replied, "Yes. I'm trying to find out if I should ignore him or if I should forgive him."

The rock star stood up and said, "I say forgive him. He is hurt," and left the building.

Aelita blurted out, "But what if-" and saw Jeremy walk towards her booth.

She gulped while he sat down.

He said to her, "I'm sorry for what happened two days ago. I am terribly, terribly sorry. Will you forgive me?"

Aelita stood up and yelled to him, "I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU, JEREMY! YOU DID THIS TO ME!"

Jeremy started to tear up and jumped into Aelita's arms.

He said, "I'm sorry, Aelita! Please! I beg of you!"

Aelita started to cry and said, "Oh, Jeremy! I miss you!"

At another table, William and Odd were watching the scene happen.

Odd said to William, "Hey, Willie. Aelita finally forgave him. I told you she would forgive him on that conundrum. Now, in celebration, where shall we go?"

William replied, "I know! The World of-"

Odd covered William's mouth and continued, "…The Icy Cold Soda! I don't know why Hollywood wants people to forget about the good things of the South."

William mumbled under Odd's hand, "Dude, your hand smells like maple syrup and Divine!"

Odd removed his hand.

William continued, "That's better. On your statement, it's all a conspiracy. They think the South's bad and that the North with their dinosaurs and ego-lution is better."

Aelita walked over to them and said, "Now, where is it that we shall go?"

Odd stammered for a bit and said, "…Coca-Cola?"

Out of nowhere, the chairmen of Coca-Cola ran out and acted crazy. Aelita fainted big time.

* * *

After that, the gang ran over about one mile to the World of Coca-Cola, situated next to the Georgia Aquarium, and bought their tickets to experience the acid trip of a lifetime and to drink all of the soda they wanted to. When they walked in, it was, however, different than what they thought. It was more like "Diorama" by Silverchair. First, all guests walked into a theater just to watch one commercial that the company was promoting at the time. After that, they "broke the fourth wall" by opening doors at the end of the screen and the guests could be on their own free will now, to drink drinks or to watch a 4D film about the secret formula. The friends went to the drinks.

Over there, there were many self-serve kiosks committed to giving you drinks from their respected countries. For example, there was a kiosk that served drinks from Africa and so on. The friends went to the European, Japanese, North America, and Coca-Cola kiosks while Yumi went to the beer kiosk. She got so hammered that when she saw somebody, she'd ask them if they could take her to a conduit in their golden sleigh.

Finally, she stumbled over to the actual band and said to them, "Hey, Subdigitals. Can you carry me in your golden sleigh to a conduit?"

Chris gave in and said, "Sure, Yumi" and clapped his hands.

Out of nowhere, a golden sleigh pulled by teenagers came next to the Subdigitals. They hopped on. Suddenly, the whole sleigh was pulled into the sky and thrown into the next room, playing "Conduit For Sale!" by Pavement. Yumi covered her ears in distress and ran out of the room, screaming like a gig in the sky.

Yumi said, "It's a nightmare!" and instantly saw Aelita as a Krabe.

Yumi ran to Aelita and started to grind her leg as you would with a floor. Aelita's face turned from calm to a sort-of "What the?" look.

Aelita said to Yumi, "What's with you, Yumi? Why are you nuts?"

Yumi replied, "Shut up, Krabe! I know your master, XANA! He's mad with power, I tell you! MAD!!!"

Aelita ran from Yumi and was instantly sprayed in the face with holy water.

She said, "Where did that come from?"

* * *

After that chaos, the gang went back home and lounged around the house. Aelita went to her room and took off her shoes. She jumped in the bed and started to rest her tired soul. She slept and woke up to the sound of a knock from the door. She got up and saw that it was the boys, all ready to go out somewhere.

Graham said to her sister, "Hey, sis. Wanna go out?"

Aelita slipped on her shoes and said, "Okay, but where?"

Odd said, "Oh, we're going out on a night on the town and we want you to go!"

Aelita pondered for a moment and said, "What if I don't wanna go?"

Graham then said in a dark voice, "Dad's going to ground you when we get home! He'll take away your 'Safe As Milk' record!"

Aelita's heard pounded, as she wanted to keep her Captain Beefheart record.

She said, "Okay, boys. Let's go out."

The boys let out a good yell of excitement. They closed the door to let Aelita change into a clean pair of jeans, a yellow-and-orange shirt, and a thin jacket over the shirt. She still kept the socks and shoes on. Finally, she walked out of the room and followed the boys to the garage.

Nicholas got in front of them and said, "Now, when you see Herve, don't get all, 'WTF?' He has to take steroids for his heart."

Aelita replied, "Okay, Nick. Why did you take us to the garage?"

Nicholas said in an angry voice, "Did I just get done telling you?"

* * *

Aelita muttered and they all went in. Aelita, Odd, and Graham were shocked at how Herve looked. He was muscle-built, but still had his trademark acne and glasses. He was in a Speedo, as regular clothes wouldn't fit him anymore, and was lifting weights using Nicholas' 1994 Eagle Talon.

Herve said to the gang, "Hey, y'all! I'm strong! Watch this!"

He put down Nick's Talon and lifted his dad's Ryder truck, filled up with useless junk, including fertilizer and iPod, while opening up and owning/pwning everybody at Half-Life 2 using his toes. Aelita stood back to the door and so did Graham.

Herve put down the truck and said, "Yeah, ever since I was MVP on the football team last year, I have been in many news articles as 'sports' biggest mistake.' They even congratulated me on my losing on the title to Barry Bonds. You see, I know they would accept my case!"

Aelita replied, "Yeah, because if you were doing it for real, I would call the cops on you."

Nick grabbed Aelita by the collar and said, "You dare not tattle on my friend! He's been my best friend since the '90s and I can't afford to lose him! Even the principal thinks I'm a geek!"

Aelita's eyes widened and said, "Well, when I went to school here, I wasn't called a geek. I was a 'cool' person," using the finger quotes on "cool".

Nick sighed and unlocked the Eagle Talon. Everybody got in and Herve lifted the garage door to let everybody out.

Finally, they were on the road. Aelita was looking out of the window and seeing many neon signs talking about Hotlanta and Atlanta.

She said to Graham, who was in the passenger's seat, "Graham, I'm hungry. Where are we going to eat?"

Graham replied, "I don't know, si-" and saw a neon sign for the Varsity straight ahead.

Graham poked Nick's shoulder and yelled, "The Varsity! The Varsity! We're going to the Varsity!"

Nick got into the parking lot and into a space underneath a canopy. A waitress skated up to the driver's window and knocked. Nick rolled down the window.

The waitress said, "Welcome to the Varsity. What'll ya have?"

Nick replied, "I'll have a burger, fries, and a Coke. No ice."

The waitress wrote the order down.

She then said to Graham, "What would you have?"

Graham replied, "I would…um-uh, like to have a hot dog with a lot of chili, onion rings, and an orange shake."

Aelita then said to the waitress, who hadn't said anything to her, "I would like to have two burgers, fries, and a Dr Pepper with minimal ice."

The waitress wrote the orders down.

She said to Odd, "What would you have?"

Odd replied, "A footlong hot dog with a lot of chili, onions, and cheese, fries, onion rings, and two orange shakes."

The waitress wrote the order down and went to the kitchen.

Nick turned up the car radio and switched the radio station to a local NPR affiliate, currently playing "A Prairie Home Companion".

During the sound of the comedy and music, Graham said to Aelita, "You wanna know what were doing next?"

Aelita replied, "I don't know."

Graham then said, "I had rented out a go-kart place for the night and I thought you would have some fun there! Hey! Where's William and Ulrich?"

Aelita replied, "They're practicing for some play about autism. Ulrich has many parts, including Raymond Babbitt."

Graham sighed and saw the waitress coming back to the car with the food. Nick paid for the meal and the others received their meal. Odd, Graham, and Aelita paid Nick back for courtesy.

Nick said, "Aww…thanks, guys!" and chowed down on his hamburger.

Aelita sipped her Dr Pepper and ate some of her fries.

* * *

Finally, their meal was over within a minute or two. They went out of the parking lot and towards the Malibu Grand Prix in Norcross. They parked the car and went inside. The place was empty.

Aelita said to Graham, "You actually rented the place out?"

Graham replied, "Pretty much. It was Nick's idea and plus, I had a lot of extra cash lying around in my closet…a lot of hundred dollar bills, too."

Aelita smiled and hugged her brother with a tight squeeze. She ran over to the Virtua Cop cabinet and started to play the frustration that is the game itself. Odd ran to Daytona 500 with Nick and raced him on the game. Graham went to the Harley Davidson game and played by himself, but knowing that his friends are there, being happy.

They had played every game in the arcade and started to venture outside to the bumper boats. Now from there, Aelita knew that Graham only rented out the arcade. People were there. She ran, along with her friends, to the bumper boats and waited in line. They had to see everybody have fun at the boats…until it was their turn. Aelita quickly removed her jacket, her shoes, and her socks and hopped into the wet boat. The others stayed the same. They were having fun, squirting each other with water, until Odd squirted Aelita with a lot of cold water. She started shivering and her eyes were crossing. Odd didn't want to see her in this state of mind, so he went to her. She pushed him into the water and so did he. Soon, there was a water fight and even the security guards joined in, taking the pool for themselves.

Finally, they went over to the go-kart tracks. They drove their go-karts and had fun until they saw a fellow person barred from the ride because he didn't have the right enough footwear. Aelita was especially taken down to heart with this issue, so she let the person borrow her shoes for the ride. He was admitted and rode the go-karts, having a fun time.

Finally, he gave the shoes back to Aelita and said, "Thank you, miss, for your shoes. I will treasure that moment."

Aelita blushed and replied, "Oh…um-uh, sure, mister."

The man walked off, never to be seen again. The gang went out of the go-kart place and back to the car, where Nick checked the clock.

"It's 10 pm," Nick said to the gang, "We better be home before Franz checks on us and thinks that we were playing hooky."

The gang shrugged and went inside the car, where Nick ignited it and drove off to the house.

On the way, Odd said to Aelita, "Hey, Aelita. There's a big surprise for you at home, so you better get ready. Take note that it's in your room."

Aelita replied with a blush, "Sure, Odd," and sat back, watching the scenery pass by.

* * *

The gang arrived home and Nick turned off the car. The gang walked out and Aelita went upstairs to her room, where she waited for a few minutes, wondering if William or Ulrich would come. Finally, she took a deep breath and opened the door to see William in a white tuxedo and the place transformed to look like a spa.

She said to William, "William, what did you do? Is this for me?"

William replied, "Yeah, pretty much. Since you do so many good things for me and that I haven't done one single good thing for you, I've decided to treat you with this: a full body massage, like the black dude in the GI Joe redub."

Aelita ran to William and hugged him tightly. He removed her jacket and she lied down on the table-converted-into-a-mat, headfirst.

William said to his friend, "Well, Aelita, I'm going to need your shirt off. It might get too oily."

Aelita applauded with a high squeak and clapped her hands. William removed her shirt by force and unfastened her bra. He squirted a bunch of canola oil all over her back and started to rub it in, making her skin feel smooth for some reason. Aelita sighed in relief as he was doing that and kicked off her shoes.

Next, William took off Aelita's pants and rubbed the oil on her calves and thighs. (Sounds like a menu for KFC.)

He said to Aelita, "How do you like it?"

"It's good, William. You're making me feel good."

"I'll stop if you want me to," William said back.

"You don't! Go on."

William wiped his hands off and removed Aelita's socks in a fast manner. He gave her a foot rub, a footbath, and a pedicure, which left Aelita's nails a sparkling red. William grinned as he removed a 2x4 from a tub of liquid nitrogen and hit it on Aelita's back, causing for comfort to the nth degree. Finally, it was all over. Aelita was sparkling clean and relaxed. She got up and put on her clothes. William put on some music.

She said to William, "You know what?"

"What?"

"Let's sleep the night away," Aelita replied, and fell asleep, along with William, on the floor.

* * *

END OF CHAPTER 5 


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